My name is Allie, and I am twenty-two years old. When I was twenty, I did the unthinkable: I got married!
My husband Tyler is twenty-five, and was twenty-two when we got married. Both young, both straight out of junior college, and both ready to face the world as a married couple. We were so ready to be out on our own and take on the world together. To be the happiest young married couple in the world! We got married in a beautiful chapel in the Smoky Mountains in Gatlinburg, and spent an amazing week on our honeymoon. Then we came home, and the honeymoon was over. Two years later, I quickly learned the most important lesson of my life…
IT’S TOUGH BEING MARRIED.
When we got married, we both had our own version of expectations: we’d never fight, we’d both be the perfect spouse, we’d have babies right off, we’d both have the best jobs….
They don’t have the saying “The First Year is The Hardest” for no reason.
We got married in November, and in January, Tyler got laid off. I had just started my first “big girl job” as a drafter, driving two hours to work and back every day. He was laid off for little over a month, but that was enough time to deplete the small savings we had accumulated. We went from being alright to our bills being behind.
I thought that was tough.
Then Tyler took a job close to home, making half the pay he was making at his previous job. We started riding together to work and home, trying to make ends meet by saving any way we could. We asked his parents for help when we couldn’t pay a bill, and it took six months to get back on our feet. We didn’t realize how hard a small financial hit could actually impact everything around you. Then, we had to repair five different water leaks in our house. We were in debt up to our eyeballs.
I thought THAT was tough.
We got through those eight months and got back on our feet, then car trouble hit. We had to buy a new vehicle and the week after we bought it, I was let go from my job. Luckily, I had a friend at a manufacturing company who got me hired on in her department. It was closer to home, better pay, and the break we needed. But by then, the finances were just the stepping stone for our problems. We bickered non stop over finances. Blamed each other for the problems instead of working together to fix them. Our marriage was falling apart right before our very eyes, and we didn’t know how to stop it.
I thought THAT was tough.
Then, everything came to a head one night after fighting over where to spend our anniversary. It lead into another sore topic and another. Every hard feeling, every resentment, everything that should NOT be in a marriage came up and out and neither of us was backing down. PRIDE got in the way. We were both too stubborn and proud to see we were destroying our marriage. I had my car packed with all of my stuff and was ready to leave.
But I didn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to leave. I didn’t want to walk away from the man I vowed to love and cherish for the rest of my life. I walked back inside, sat down, and cried with the man I promised before God to uphold and respect, til death do us part. Neither of us felt respected, or even loved at that point. It was the breaking point for both of us, and the turning point in our marriage.
THAT….that was tough.
It took a long time for us to rebuild that trust, to get back to a good place in our life. We took a step back and agreed to make time for each other, whether we wanted to or not because we needed to work on our marriage TOGETHER, not apart. We have good days and bad days of course, but that’s not uncommon. But for once, the good outnumber the bad. We laugh together, and have fun together again. I believe we came through that storm in our marriage to be able to weather anything thrown at us. We learned to work together, and that is the only way that a marriage can thrive. Some days, I don’t like my husband. Some day’s he doesn’t like me. But it’s ok. Because we make it work. That’s what I’ve learned by getting married. It takes WORK. It’s a partnership. It literally is you and your spouse against the world.
IT’S OK TO NOT ALWAYS LIKE EACH OTHER, AS LONG AS YOU ALWAYS LOVE EACH OTHER.
I love my husband with all of my heart. I may want to hurt him some times, and I may think he’s a big kid some times. But he’s my big kid, and I wouldn’t have him any other way.
***I originally had my blog on Blogger, but moved it here, which is why a lot of my posts were done all in the same day.***