Ok..maybe not that young…but it sure feels like I’m married to a child sometimes…
Just hear me out.
I’ll be the first to admit, even though I THOUGHT I knew what to expect when I got married, I honestly didn’t have a clue. After two years of marriage, it’s blatantly obvious that my husband and I are two completely different people. The things we see in movies, it’s all crap. There’s no such thing as such an easy happy ever after. Let me tell you a secret:
It takes A LOT of work and patience.
The first lesson I learned being married, is that it’s just as difficult an adjustment for him as it is for me. We were both still young, and it was a big adjustment going from living with parents, to a few months on our own, to living with someone completely new. We had to learn each other’s quirks and habits. We quickly learned each other’s hot-headed tempers and lazy patterns. We learned this hectic dance, how to avoid each other when things got heated, and how to get what needs to be done finished, hopefully, without too many casualties.
After our last big fight, the one that ended in me packing my car for the final time, we learned an even greater lesson: how to just let it go. We may fight, we may bicker, we may get so mad at each other we can’t stand to look at one another, but I guarantee, the next day, it’s like it never happened. It’s just not worth the hurt and stress to stay mad over something that, in hindsight, is something that we shouldn’t have been fighting over to begin with.
Just like last night, I had come in from work, cooked supper, and was watching Netflix. Tyler had gone to his grandparent’s house for something and when he came home, he sat down and ate supper. Then, walking down the hallway, he decided to go through the clothes baskets that were sitting by the washer. One of the baskets had clothes in it left from a rummage sale, and he started bagging them up. When I realized he wasn’t asking what was donation clothing and what was clothes we actually wear, I told him to stop because he didn’t know what needed to go and what I still wear. Let’s just say, that spiraled into an argument that could have been avoided if, yes, I’m going to say it, I had went and finished bagging the clothes.
I was in the wrong…and I
don’t ever say I’m wrong hardly ever admit that I’m wrong…
What ensued was an argument like all of the others, name calling, button pushing, and the inevitable “if you don’t like it, you can leave” spill.
(I don’t know if he’s figured it out yet, but I’m not going anywhere…)
After all the yelling had died down and tempers had calmed, I went and took a shower, and crawled into bed. I woke up this morning like I do every morning, cuddled up to my husband and my pug.
This may seem like a “well nothing got solved, that’s not healthy” situation, but in all actuality, it works for us. He was frustrated about something, I let him vent it out, this morning everything is ok. He does the same to me. Sometimes, as humans, we just want someone to fight back. We need the stress reliever. We like the challenge.
Being a young married couple, life is full of so many challenges, and most of them are ones that if you weren’t married, you’d still face them on your own. Being married at 20 years old, I had a lot of growing up to do, whether I realized it or not. Yes, I was mature enough to get married, but I still had a lot of things to experience and learn from. Being married, I have someone who gets to experience these things with me, and we can lean on each other through it. Financial issues, home repair, work-related stress, and our day to day activities revolve around each other. Even though I’m the kind of person who would rather deal with issues my own way, I have to take into consideration the man that I married and how he would deal with things.
People don’t understand that there is still life after the wedding. There are still bills to pay beyond the honeymoon. There’s still a person under the dress/tuxedo. If I can give one word of advice to young people in long-term relationships, or are engaged, or even really newly married couples…it’s this:
Don’t give up.
Don’t give up over whose turn it is to load the dishwasher or who left the clothes on the floor. Don’t give up over a missed payment, or who needs to manage money more.
Don’t give up after that first real fight, because I promise, you’ll want to.
You’ll wonder why you ever got married in the first place. You’ll second guess the whole thing: what were you thinking? This was insane! I’m too young to deal with this!
The reality of it is, you vowed to honor, love, and cherish that person. Through sickness and health. For richer or for poorer, til death do you part. That means no matter what, you can’t leave. You have to stand up, suck it up, and work through it. That is our God-given meaning of marriage. Marriage is not meant to always be easy. It’s kind of like at work, when you’re paired with a partner, and you have to figure out the best way to do an assignment: you get over your differences, and pull out the best version of your product.
Your marriage will only be as good as you strive to make it. It will only last as long as you’re willing to hold it up.
My marriage feels like it’s on the rocks sometimes. But other times it feels like the only place I want to be. Those moments when I wake up and look over at my sleeping husband and it’s just us (and our Pug of course) and all the world is quiet, I know there’s no place I’d rather be. He might drive me insane, and I might make him think he’s married a crazy woman, but at the end of the day, I know we’re gonna make it.
I don’t know about you guys, but I’m too curious to know what we’ll look like in 50 years to give up 2 years in.
***It feels good to be writing again. I promise I won’t take so long of a hiatus next time!***