Open Letter to Engaged Couples♥

I spent Saturday at my mom’s house, just hanging out with her and my brother. It’s been a while since I’ve seen them for more than just a few minutes, and with my crazy work schedule and living almost two hours away, it gets a little hard to see each other. We were sitting on the couch doing what the women in my family do best: talking. We were catching up on all the latest and greatest, mostly what I miss not living in the area anymore when my sister walks in.

Now, I guess I should mention that me and my sister don’t get along. At all.

I’m not exaggerating, we can’t stand each other. And it’s not because my poor mama didn’t try to make us get along, she did. We had to hug each other when we fought, and if we were really bad, she made us kiss each other on the cheek.

It was torture for small children.

To put it nicely, we just don’t mesh. We never have. Some days, we’re good, we can even be civil. But other days…well…let’s just say it’s best if one of us leaves the room.

We bring a whole new meaning to the term Sibling Rivalry.

Anyway, we were sitting there discussing my sister and her boyfriend, who she plans on marrying and has essentially mapped on when they’re getting married next year, even though he hasn’t popped the question, and she was talking about him getting laid off from the oil field and him trying to find a job at home. The discussion turned to them being married and I told her the same exact thing I have told her a thousand times before:

Things are VERY different once you’re married.

I don’t care how long you’ve been together and how much you think you know that person, it’s different. People seem to let their true colors bleed out once the vows are said. I’m not saying everyone is a trickster, or is lying to their significant other, but when people get comfortable and let those guards down…things change.

My mom, who has been married going on twenty-three years, had four words to say about my comment: “LISTEN TO YOUR SISTER.”

When I got married, I would come back to my mom and tell her things about my marriage and she would laugh and say “That’s every couple, I can’t believe you already figured it out.” Apparently, some issues myself and Tyler have went through, it took my mom a few more years to find out in her own marriage. I guess because I watched her go through it when I was younger and lived at home, I learned a few things.

PSA: MOMS ARE ALWAYS RIGHT.

My sister tends to cringe when I try to give her advice, I guess due to our strained relationship. But I tell her the same thing I tell all couples who are considering marriage. I’m not trying to scare them out of getting married. I’m not trying to tell them it’s terrible. But, I do feel like they should know the truth about how hard being married really is, and not think it’s all one big fairy tale like television has always promoted it to be.

I want the best for my sister, regardless of how we act towards each other. At the end of the day, she will always be my sister, and I want to see her have a successful marriage. BUT, I don’t want her to go in blind, and think just because it’s rough at first, that it won’t get better.

I believe that every engaged couple should have to go through counseling before they get married. Some kind of classes or meetings with a mediator, whether religious or not, and really dig into what marriage will be. Give them exercises to see how they can handle arguments, or disagreements on certain topics, just so they can learn how to work together, and not just throw up their hands and call it quits in the first six months. Or, in some cases, after the first year when the honeymoon phase has ended.

I keep bringing my sister up as an example, simply because I know she’s planning on getting married soon. Any couple considering getting married, PLEASE realize it’s for the long haul. It’s not for “oh, we got in a fight and I want to leave so I’m done with this too-hard marriage.” I will be the first to admit that I have left mad, drove to my moms or just down the road to calm down, but turned around and came back home. I’ve had my doubts about my marriage making it. I’ve considered looking for apartments and sat contemplating how my life would be without my husband, and I realized that it was not something that I wanted.

Too many couples get married not really realizing exactly what marriage is. It’s NOT just a piece of paper. It’s not just hanging out and getting to do what you want when you want it. It’s constant work. It’s actually trying every single day to make it work. It’s giving up the small things to save the big things. It’s loving someone more than you love yourself. It’s standing by the vows you say before your minister, your family, your justice of the peace, whoever it was that oversaw your union. It’s forever kiddos. And you may say this is just all hogwash, but one day, you’ll look back and say “wow, she was right.”

I want nothing but the best for every young couple. I want everyone who is considering marriage to be happy and prosper and have the whole “sitting on the front porch at 80 with your partner” kind of life. I want everything for you guys.

But first, I want you to open your eyes to what marriage really is, to what those vows really mean, and what you’re willing to do to beat the odds and keep your marriage alive.

Ask yourself: are you really up to the challenge?

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6 thoughts on “Open Letter to Engaged Couples♥

  1. kelsee727 says:

    Several married couples have said the same thing as you. I have seen many posts on here and heard conversations that suggest getting some type of counseling before jumping into a marriage. Hopefully your sister listens! Great advice, by the way.

    Like

    • The New(ish) Wife says:

      Thank you! I hope no one takes this as me telling couples to not get married, or that I’m trying to scare them. But marriage and, well, life in general, have been glorified on tv and they think that it’s always rainbows and butterflies. There are days I genuinely can’t stand my husband. He grates on my nerves some times to a point I have to go to a different room. But, if I’m honest, I do the same thing to him. It’s part of the whole give-and-take, compromise and sacrifice deal that is marriage. It’s a life-long partnership. Too many couples my age are divorcing and giving up on marriage when they should be digging their heels in and saying “No, I’m not giving up this easily.” I’ve seen couples divorce over the smallest thing that they just couldn’t give up, they couldn’t let go of. It’s heart breaking. 50% of marriages end in divorce… I’m determined that my marriage will be part of the 50% that lasts.

      Liked by 2 people

      • kelsee727 says:

        That is why I cannot stand most of the stuff on television. People think that relationships/marriage should just work. No effort should have to be put into it, but that is not how it works. People fail to mention the trials that must be faced. People don’t stay married for years and years because they simply clicked. There were bumps in the road that they had to work to get over. I think your post does a good job of talking about the reality. People need to see both sides, not just the “perfect.”

        Liked by 1 person

      • The New(ish) Wife says:

        Exactly. If they’re not willing to put in the effort it takes to make it work EVERY SINGLE DAY, maybe marriage isn’t for them. They say marriage is the toughest thing you will ever do, because so many different variables put a strain on it, even the best of marriages. Kids, jobs, finances, families….they all pull at your marriage and it will bend and break in ways people can’t even imagine. In two years, I’ve been through more than my fair share of marital problems, but we’ve come out the other side strong and still willing to fight for it. I’m not going to sugar coat anything I post, people deserve the truth.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. shirleyjdietz says:

    Most couples are not aware of how much damage a divorce does either. You always lose a lot when that happens. On the other hand, staying with your marriage and working on it is hard but at the end you are stronger and you have something pretty special.

    Liked by 2 people

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