Hormones or Lack of Patience?

Well guys, I’m 30 weeks pregnant, and feeling quite large and in charge these days. lol Finally really showing, as miss priss finally moved up out of my pelvis, and right on up into my ribcage…so it’s been a nice change from her tapdancing on my bladder 24/7….but the heartburn isn’t too great. lol

But, on to the topic of the day, where I genuinely need some advice from any and all mamas out there reading this:

Lately….I can’t stand my husband. I feel like I’m constantly in a bad mood around him, mainly because I do EVERYTHING. I go to work, I come home and cook supper, I clean the entire house on my own (minus his one random load of laundry he folds) and I am STILL told that I don’t do anything. And I really don’t know how much more I can take of it.

Take this weekend for example: Christmas Day, we went to church and came home when he decided “We” needed to clean the house. He folded his clothes, left mine in a basket on the couch and sat down and took a nap. I asked him what happened to WE were going to clean the house? He said “I did my part, you should have done it Friday on your day off.”

**Hubby is off all week on vacation, so I’m getting up and leaving the house at 6am to go to work, he’s leaving to go hunting all day. My days off are meant to be used to cleaning, while his are used for his own leisure…**

Strike ONE.

Monday, I got up and went to town at 8:00am (thank you, pregnancy insomnia) and bought baby girl’s travel system I’d been wanting, returned home and started cleaning up the house again. I folded all clothes, my kitchen/living room/ and bathrooms were SPOTLESS, and my mom came over for a visit. She witnessed the cleanliness of the house. Hubby was gone hunting (past posts, yall know how this goes. Any time he’s off…he’s hunting.) He came home, and in 10 minutes time, he had boots in the floor, his coveralls on the floor in the kitchen, rifled through every drawer and cabinet leaving the doors wide open, made a mess on the counter eating, left his trash everywhere…..and all I could do was sit there and cry because two days of work (30 weeks pregnant = short intervals of cleaning thanks to pelvic/back pain and inability to bend over without holding my breath) was ruined in a matter of minutes. Somehow me asking him to burn the boxes in the kitchen and him asking me why I can’t do it (hello….big and pregnant here guy) can only mean that I’m jealous he’s off work. Nevermind my vacation time is taken when I go on Maternity leave in…..8-10 weeks.

Strike TWO

Last night: My aunt came in from out of town (haven’t seen her in over a year) and I met her and my mom in town after work to get dinner. I don’t get back to the house until 9:30pm. I walk in, and he is PISSY. Don’t know why, don’t really care at this point. I go change into pajamas, and sit down to try and talk to him…short answers, ill pouty face. So I get up and go get in bed. I asked him to put the load of laundry he’s getting out of the dryer in the basket on the couch, and he goes into this big rant about how he doesn’t want it up there, because someone could come over and have nowhere to sit! FYI, no one is coming over in the middle of the week. I know that. and it’s in a basket so I can do it today. I told him to quit being ridiculous, and if it bothered him that bad to fold it himself. What is his response?

“Well, you don’t do anything anyway, so if I don’t do it, it’s not getting done. You stayed out til all hours tonight and could have come home and took care of what you needed to do.”

Oh buddy…..here we go. Que extremely ticked off pregnant wife:

“Excuse me? it was NINE-THIRTY when I walked in that door. I went to work, I went and picked up your list of necessities from walmart, and I met my aunt I haven’t seen in over a year. We stood around talking for a while and I came home. What did you do all day? You’re off ALL week and haven’t lifted a finger in this house. You told me the other day I’m using pregnancy as a crutch to not do anything….have you ever been pregnant? No? That’s what I thought. Who comes in and cleans/cooks every single night? Me. Who goes and grocery shops and her feet are so swollen she can barely get her shoes off when she gets home? ME. Who spent Christmas weekend cleaning the house and finishing the nursery while you were sitting in the woods all day? ME! What’s the difference in YOU doing anything and me? Oh, that’s right…you have the penis so I’m supposed to bend over backwards to keep you happy. Why don’t you man up and realize that your pregnant wife does EVERYTHING around here, and can’t even ask you for help, because it never gets done? You’re complaining about a load of laundry that YOU washed. Why can’t YOU go put it up?! Why do you feel the need to start an argument and try and tell me I don’t do anything all day long?!” (I was screaming at this point, because I haven’t said a word in weeks….yes…it’s been going on for weeks.)

Strike THREE.

Yes, I realize I sound horrible, but this was one side of the explosion that was that conversation. I’ve heard for WEEKS how I don’t do anything and saying my back hurt or my feet hurt or my RIBS hurt from being kicked is me whining. How me saying I’m not getting any sleep because of back pain is met with “it’s not that bad.” But he hurt his back SITTING IN THE STAND TOO LONG and I’m supposed to have sympathy at this point? Negative.

Men, can I offer a suggestion?

If you have a wife that willingly gets up at the butt crack of dawn to go to work for the next 12 hours, pays half of all bills, comes home and cooks you dinner, cleans up said dinner and packs your lunch for the next day, does your laundry, and is CARRYING YOUR CHILD….help her. Just once, not even every day. Just do SOMETHING so she doesn’t have to do it all alone. And don’t tell her she doesn’t do anything all day. Seriously, what’s it going to hurt for you to wash dishes or wipe down the counters or do the laundry while she’s gone to work or something? Is it too much to ask?

I’m hormonal. I’m exhausted. My feet are swollen and my back hurts, but I still do everything. Yes, I am lucky enough to have an office job, but I am qualified for this job. So i deserve this job. Hubby does manual work, which is by his choice. But I don’t do anything all day, so it should all be left to me? Negative.

He’s tried to pull the “your responsibility is inside, mine is outside” card. He hasn’t cut the yard, done any kind of maintenance, other than feed his dogs in MONTHS. So how is that even still applicable? I’m no the only person that lives in the house, so why should I have to do everything on my own?

Don’t even get me started on baby stuff. Not only am I “exaggerating” my aches and pains, but it’s “NOT THAT BAD” according to him. I’ve went to all appointments without him, I have had severe Morning Sickness and now sciatic nerve issues. I was almost diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes, but luckily it cleared itself up. I put her entire nursery together. I put her closet shelving up by myself. I’ve paid for everything for her. But he gets mad when I bring up that I’m essentially a one-woman show over here.

I really don’t know if it’s hormones, or if I’m just fed up with his lack of….interest? compassion? not sure what to use here…. and expecting me to still be able to manage everything alone. With a newborn, it’s going to be SO much more stress and the past few weeks have me utterly convinced that I’m in this on my own, at least until she’s “easier to handle.” I have this terrible anxiety about leaving her to go back to work because I dread coming home and having to do all of this every day, and by the time I get done, it’s time for her to go to bed. I already have to leave her for 12 hours a day, I don’t want what little time I do have with her to be taken up by chores that my husband refuses to help me with.

Did anyone experience this anxiety? It really has me to a point that I don’t want to be around my husband, because I feel like he’s the source of the majority of my anxiety and anger at this point. I want to shake him until he understands that he needs to step up and be the husband I need him to be so we can be the parents our daughter needs….but at this point I don’t know if it’d even do any good……

Sorry for the rambling post, but I don’t like talking to family about anything marriage related, and I figured here I might be able to get some decent advice….and a vent in without feeling so bad about it.

Don’t get me wrong…I love my husband. But right now….I don’t like him at all.

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5 thoughts on “Hormones or Lack of Patience?

  1. kelsee727 says:

    I am not married. Although I live with my boyfriend and grew up around 3 men. No pregnancy hormones here either. I don’t believe you are overreacting. At all. This reminds me of my cousin. She is currently 15 weeks pregnant. Her boyfriend doesn’t think to help her out. She was in the hospital for very low potassium (which is dangerous) and he thought it was all in her head. She was puking and very sick, but apparently it was all fake to him. Some men just… we’ll never figure them out entirely. You are being reasonable. If he’ll listen, I would just sit him down and talk it all out. Maybe he should switch roles for a day with you. I hope you find something that will make him understand. Much luck!

    Like

    • Allie McCarty says:

      Thank you! I’ve been dealing with this for three years, and normally it doesn’t bother me. But right now, things are getting harder for me to do and I guess asking him to do it is just out of the question. I’ve tried to explain to him that from now til she gets here, and for a little while afterwards, I won’t be able to do everything like I normally do. But, he doesn’t understand. He’s never been around pregnant women. He doesn’t understand what we go through…and probably never will until he has a crying newborn and has no idea what to do with her. lol

      Thank you for the advice, I’m just at a point in all of this where I either need him to stand up and start being a grown man and help me do these things, because I literally can’t do this all by myself.

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  2. msletterwritingu says:

    You are in no way out of line. You want the best possible future for you and your baby. Your setting guild lines now before the baby comes matters. If you have to do everything yourself, you might as well be a single parent. There is no reason u should have to pick up after him, like he is another child. He should be kissing your ass for making him a cute little person. A husband helps and etc
    A husband is not a ficture to mess up a house and make you feel like you are babysitting and not getting paid.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Allie McCarty says:

      Thank you. lol I feel like his mom most of the time. I get up and go to work same time he does, get home same time he does. I cook supper and cleanup afterwards, also pack lunches for the next day. By this time, it’s 8:00pm. He’s been on the couch since he came inside. He believes my days off should consist of cleaning the house, since I don’t do anything during the week (insert eye roll here) and when our baby gets here in 6-8 weeks, he said “yeah it’s gonna get worse! But clearly you don’t care and won’t make the effort to change and do better.” 😞 I told him I need him to help me more, that she takes precedence over laundry or dishes, especially with me being gone 12 hours a day. I don’t think I’m asking too much for him to cook or do the dishes or fold laundry. 😞

      Liked by 1 person

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