So, it’s been a while since I’ve updated but I’ve had good reason: I gave birth to the most beautiful little girl three weeks ago!
It doesn’t seem like it’s been three weeks, but at the same time it feels like so much longer. I guess that’s the part of motherhood no one warns you about…the lapse in time. I swear my days run together in one continuous stream of naps, feedings, and diaper changes. But I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
That first week…it was horrible. Not even going to sugarcoat it. Well, our first week HOME was horrible. Her first week of life was spent in the NICU due to fluid and meconium in her lungs, so we lived by NICU visiting hours that first week, and I was up pumping every two hours to try and get any colostrum I could for her. She was bottle fed in the NICU after three days of only IV fluids, and I didn’t care: I wanted my baby fed. She was oxygen and hooked to monitors so I didn’t even hold my baby until she was four days old. It was rough on not only her, but mommy and Daddy as well.
When we finally got her home, it was 10:00 at night after being up all day long and our first time spending more than an hour with her was at home with no idea as to what to do. I struggled with anxiety those first couple of days…severe anxiety. Hubby used his week of vacation in the hospital, so after one day home, he had to go back to work. I was alone with a newborn and exhausted…and terrified. When it got dark, I panicked. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and refused to sleep. I ended up calling in reinforcements so I could sleep, and after a few days of having my mother in law sit with her at night, I finally felt human again.
Three weeks out, and I still struggle with some anxiety. I’m doing much better and can function as long as I get enough sleep. Baby girl sleeps in 4 hour increments, and is a really good baby. So when she sleeps, mama sleeps. Trying to get her on somewhat of a schedule that I can deal with when I go back to work in a month seems a little more feasible now, so I’m feeling better about it as well.
One thing I’ve learned through it all…nothing about labor and delivery and a child goes according to your own plan. I planned and planned and swore I’d do things a certain way and let’s face it, that all went to hell as soon as I was induced. Was my labor/delivery difficult? By most standards no. I was induced at 6am and she was here by 1:33pm. But, because it went so fast (thank you, you devil drug pitocin) I ended up with such severe back labor my Blood Pressure was stroke range so I had to get pain medicine…which I had wanted to go without. I ended up with Demerol AND an Epidural. But, after I got it, I slept for two hours which allowed my labor to progress at light speed, which in turn saved my daughter.
If I hadn’t progressed quickly and pushed her out in 30 minutes, she could have ended up with a severe infection in her lungs since there was meconium in her fluid. When they told me that (when my water broke it was present) I started panicking. I knew that meant she could be in danger. Then, as I was pushing, her cord was around her neck and thankfully, my OB was able to unwrap it and deliver her safely. So, while nothing went as I planned it, she was here safely and that’s all that mattered at that point.
So, we’re still navigating these awkward first few days. But every day I watch her become more aware, and it’s incredible. She recognizes my voice, and looks for me if im talking and not right there with her. She smiles when her daddy talks to her. She loves watching the horses outside, and just looking around in general. She is truly amazing, and I can’t imagine my life without her!