I know, it’s been forever. I need to figure out a way to start updating more. I guess I really need to re-download the app to my phone and just check-in when I can? Being a new mom has absolutely consumed me, and although I love it….here lately I’ve missed the parts of myself that had to be moved aside to make room for the “new me” to take hold.
I know it’s totally normal to feel this way about myself, just like it’s normal to feel different (or sometimes INDIFFERENT) towards my husband. He’s not just my husband anymore, he’s a father. Just like I’m not just his wife anymore, I’m a mother. And while things ARE getting better as far as not being totally at the mercy of a helpless newborn, I feel like the more she learns to do, and the more I do to entertain her and help her progress…..the less time I have for myself.
I’ve been struggling a lot with this here lately, guys. I have reached a plateau where I’m simply waking up and going through the motions. I don’t feel depressed per say. Just void. I have succumbed to these facts:
1. I have no time for myself – I get up an hour before everyone, and still manage to be the last person ready to go in the mornings. I do my makeup in the car, and I try to do any errands I need to do BEFORE work so we can go directly home after work. When I get home, I go right into my “Second Shift”, i.e. supper, cleaning, tending to kiddo, bath time, and bedtime. By then….I’m exhausted. Most nights, I don’t even get a shower. Dry Shampoo has become my best friend. #momlife
2. My daughter is a total mama’s baby – This is totally due to the fact that my husband has been absolutely petrified to be alone with our daughter. From birth, I’ve done bath time and bed time routines myself. When my husband was gone hunting on the weekends, I do breakfast and play time while catching up on housework. I do all the cuddles, and when she’s sick – it’s mommy to the rescue. The past 8 months have been the Mom and Baby show, and now if I try to hand her to her dad, she clutches at my shirt and cries like she’s being pinched. It’s pitiful, but totally not my fault.
3. I can’t do it on my own. I’ve been doing everything I can to keep my head above water. And we’ve been thrown a massive curve ball: Husband is having surgery. A surgery that is putting him out of work for 8 weeks. He’s nervous, I’m hiding how nervous I am. It’s going to be stressful in every aspect of the word: mentally, financially, emotionally, physically….
We have several other things that have knocked us on our backsides this month on top of this impending surgery, and its just been the final straw that broke this camel’s back.
I say all this to get to this: I’m still here. I’m still here behind the scenes trying to make it out alive. I’m still here, chugging along like the little train that thought he could. I’m still here, the person I was BEFORE the baby and the bills and the stress.
I’m here…..somewhere. I just have to find my way back.
Hope you guys are all doing well. I do manage to read other’s posts, but hopefully soon I can get back to regular updates.
I plan on updating on Priss Pot tomorrow or this evening. (PLAN ON being the operative phrase here.)